Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Gap

For years I would walk away from conversations feeling defeated.



Less than.

Fill in the blank...

Comments from others would leave me feeling like I had to constantly explain myself.

A better description is that I most often felt like I was walking around trying to do life with a sensor left on my clothes by the girl at the checkout counter. And everywhere I went- an alarm sounded. That alarm was only ringing inside my grief stricken heart but the careless comments by others coupled with the pain of my past, magnified it to the point that I lived in a constant state of sadness and frustration.

"That is some gap!"

"What happened?"

"Why did you wait so long to have more children?"

"Wow, I guess you just thought you were done."

"I guess this wasn't exactly planned, was it?"

I wish I could count the times I've wanted to shout from the rooftops....

Listen here!

This gap is the grace of God on my life. This gap is my testimony. This gap is the goodness of 
God made manifest in my life. This 13 year gap between my first born and my second born baby girls is nothing more than the very reason I can share the love of Christ with others. This "unplanned gap" as some would like to call it is the very reason I am able to write and teach and share the gospel with others out of a heart of gratitude. 

My gap is what qualifies me.

My gap is what set me apart.

This gap is what gives me the ability to connect with others in a way that can only come from a heart knowledge called experience..

I named my GAP and you should too.

I call it God's Awesome Process.

Grateful me.

I want to encourage you not to despise your process.

I want to encourage you not to compare yourself with others.

I want to encourage you not to worry that maybe God has forgotten you. Overlooked you. Failed you. Or preferred others over you.

He hasn't.

Your just in The GAP beautiful friends.

God's Awesome Process.

Everyone's process is different and I can promise you that He has a purpose and a plan no matter how difficult or painful or heart wrenching your GAP is.

I can testify.

The hard part is not to grow bitter or resentful during the process. The hard part is not to get caught up in comparison during your time of delay. The hard part is not to allow the enemy to convince you that clearly, this just isn't going to work out for you...

For years I was so angry with God and I was convinced He did not love me. That anger manifested in my life through years of depression. It wasn't until I found out the truth- (He loves me!!) and allowed the truth to set me free that I was able to unravel the years the locust had eaten in my life. As I grew in the Lord and gained knowledge and understanding through His word, I finally realized that actually all of those years of suffering and hardship and delay, were just a part of God's Awesome Process.

This reminds me of a scripture in 1 Samuel 1:20

It starts like this... "So it came to pass in the process of time that Hannah conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, "Because I have asked for him from the Lord."

So it came to pass in the process of time.

Maybe this is where you are today- hanging in the balance of the process of time.

Maybe he brought you an amazing spouse and you are in the GAP for a child, a job, a home, a breakthrough or another prayer request.

Here is the good news.

No matter what you are waiting for. Hoping for. Believing God for....

The delay doesn't mean you are denied...

You're just in the GAP.

God's Awesome Process.

The process is what grows our faith. Develops our trust. Matures our hearts and minds. Expands our capacity to love. Teaches us. Trains us. Equips us. Refines us. Polishes, perfects and qualifies us for a much greater purpose.

The many GAPS in my life are what equip me to speak out of a place of heaps of heart knowledge.
It is His spirit and the wisdom of experience that offers real life words of encouragement and hope and comfort.

I have lived this. (by His grace)

I survived this.  (by His grace)

I know from experience. (by His grace)

There isn't a text book, professor or class that can teach you what real life can.

Experience will give you a beautiful heart knowledge that can become a love language to His people. 

It is your GAP.

So today, if you are feeling like you are walking around in life with a sensor left on your clothes by an inexperienced sales clerk- as if the process you are in, announces your presence before you even set your foot inside the door- be encouraged.

Eventually, it will come to pass in the process of time.

The desires of your heart will be given to you.

He is the one who placed them there in the first place....


Tiffany said...

Oh Sibi - oh I so wish we could sit and talk face to face - this is SO true - I have often walked away from converations feeling the SAME WAY! And I am just know learning to not regret what I say or feel misunderstood - as long as I am speaking my true heart in love - I have nothing to worry about!

And the GAP - the sweet time in the GAP! I so much resonate with you and your heart - our stories, our journey is not the same road but my story and joureny is unfolding and being written and I am so thankful for a merciful God who bestows grace on me day after day!

I truly hope to be at the Pearl Event in Spring 2013 - it would be such a delight to help in some way. If you have a free moment I would love for you to get to know me! I have read your blog for a long time now - and you always, ALWAYS, bless me with your words and encouragement!

Thankful for you and all He brings you to do! Honoring you for your faithfulness!


Bravehearted Beauty {formerly LLH Designs} said...

I love the way you shared this part of your story today. Humbles my heart to think we are all living in a sort of gap between this world and our heart's true home. Hope to meet you face to face in August! How good of God to go before me and put YOU in my path! xoxo!

shannon p said...

Ahhh the GAP.. Thank you! I am IN the GAP but still ever so hopeful, still happy, still waiting on HIM to reveal...Even in the GAP, doors open, angels appear and love resonates. As we keep our eyes on HIM he begins to reveal...and he does not reveal those things that we are not yet ready for. You are a Blessing and a Gift. I cannot wait to come to a mini pearl event and hopefully the 2013 Pearl event as well...Shannon (

Unknown said...

Your story and the spirit in which you tell it continues to minister to me. Your explanation of the GAP is so eloquent and true. Thank you for sharing your heart and life. And, I wish you would bring a Pearl Event to the West. Would love to attend!

Ann said...

Love the description of "gap" as God's Awesome Process. It helps to explain the waiting times of life. I read once that we spend more time in our lives waiting for answers or things to happen than anything else so we should learn to do it well. Not easy for me but it, too, is a process. Thanks for your insight.

Unknown said...

I have a 46 year GAP from the time I was adopted as a baby until I met my "original" father, a father who loved and adored me in an instant and I him.

I wish my GAP had been shorter in a way, but it was all in God's hands and timing. He affirms that for me over and over again...