Friday, August 6, 2010

Babies And Boxes

Thank you so much for all of your sweet comments and congratulations! 

I loved reading all of your thoughts and yes I did create that pearl covered pregnancy test. I have a bit of an obsession. I love to make things beautiful. Especially ordinary things. Thank you so much for so many kind and encouraging words. 

You all made my heart sing....

We are completely overjoyed and so thankful to The One who gives the greatest gift of all. We are still blown away that He would entrust us again. We are not in any way the greatest parents in the world and most certainly do not have it all together~ not by any stretch of the imagination. We know there are many who do it all so much better...

After all my husband still lives and works in another state. 

And my laundry very well could hold a world record for the largest clean and dirty piles. 

And my car is a mess.

 And so is my house.

We definitely would not be ones to give out advice. Encouragement yes, but not advice.

After twenty years of parenting I still don't have it all figured out....

But I love my children & I am overjoyed at the thought of a newborn in our house again.

Even though I don't have it all together.

Even though most of my days are really, really hard.

Even though I do not qualify in the "best mom ever" department.

Even in spite of what we are walking through in this season.

Even in spite of what other people think. And often times say.

Even in spite of the fact that everything is not perfect and probably never will be....

Our hearts have been, from day one of life together, knit together for family. Not just a family but a big family who carry a heart for His people.  This has always been our prayer and we are grateful that He would call us once again.

I thought I would share some special pictures of a baby boy shower I co~hosted in my home for a girlfriend a few years ago. You may remember my love for hosting baby showers. I was blessed to design the tables and settings for this one and had so much fun doing so. It is one of my favorite things to do! 

I thought these pictures would go well with the baby theme today as I share pieces of what we have been walking out lately.  I will suffice it to say~

Faith Tested.

It has been an emotional few months in our house. For several reasons.

I just took note of my one year mark on July 17 of caring for our children solo. 

It was emotional because my faith has been tested like never before in the last year and looking back I survived it but not without clinging to Him and a daily outpouring of His grace. This season has stretched our faith. Our marriage. Our family. Our finances. There is not one area that hasn't been touched by our big move over one year ago. We have found ourselves questioning whether or not we made the right decision. As the one year anniversary came and went and Daddy was still not here with us. 

Faith Tested.

We've stood on His word. His promises. And what we had hoped would be His provision. We have walked through the most difficult season to date in our 10 years of marriage. 

We have also walked through it alone. 

Which has been a heartache all by itself. There has not been a tremendous outpouring of help or support during this difficult time. It has truly been a winter season and one where we have just sought out the Lord like never before.

We also have not been able to join a church here yet. Mainly because each time we have tried to visit one, we are paged to come to the nursery to comfort a little one and just end up going home. So we have not had the blessing that can be a church family during the absolute hardest time in our life. 

We have walked through in the last year what I would describe now as a stripping away and a refining fire. There have been many, many heartaches. Disappointments and broken relationships. Loads of rejection and abandonment and many days and nights of clinging to the Father for His help, wisdom and guidance.

I remember one year ago moving to a new place.

Sending my oldest off to college.

Sending my husband off to another state to start a new job.

And being surrounded by babies and boxes.

And trying to do life. Alone.

New place. New town. New schools. New people.

Completely starting over.

I remember having a ray of hope that it would be okay because at least I had my mom in this new place and my children would have a grandmother to love on them at the least on a weekly basis. Something they had never had before.

And then I received a phone call that would rock me to my very core.

Just a few weeks after our move into town. ... she would decide she was done.

To say that I was undone would be a huge understatement.

It came without reason or warning. And to this day, one year later it is still so painful.

I haven't been able to write about it for a solid year and still can barely talk about it.

I have walked through a depth of forgiveness that I didn't know was possible.

And my heart still prays for her. 

Still loves her. 

Still honors her. 

Still forgives her.

Still believes the best in her.

Faith Tested.

After all of this and so much more we had to make some decisions about what would be best for our family.

And so we have moved again just for the school year.

We found a little rental house that needs a lot of love.

Thank goodness the owner agreed to my obsession with white paint.

One year later. 

I am surrounded by babies and boxes- again.

Just this week I sent my oldest off to college- again.

And sent my husband back to work in another state- again.

And here I am. Starting over again. 

Trying to do life ...

With my faith tested, tried and true.

With my babies and many boxes.

Unpacking life and hope one cardboard box at a time.

Only this time I'm carrying a promise inside my womb that is a daily reminder to me

That He is for me and not against me.

That He has a purpose and a plan.

And that He will work all things together for my good and His glory......

We have had lots of celebrations too.

I am happy to report that Mr. P and G survived another month of May which is commonly known around here as the "trifecta."

He has the beautiful opportunity every year to celebrate my birthday, Mothers day and our anniversary all within 18 days of each other.

For our anniversary this year he asked what I would like to do and I responded with this simple statement. 

"I want to see the babies." 

He knew what that meant. 

After all he married a woman with a 10 year old baby girl and a heart shaped uterus. :)

And this is not the first time in our ten years of marriage that I have made that request. 

That's all I wanted. 

Which meant that my precious husband drove me down to the biggest baby hospital in town, held my hand on the elevator ride up to the maternity ward and walked me straight to the closest thing to heaven on earth that I could personally ever dream of.


He stood by my side and waited.

My sweet man.

Listening and watching as I stood there and stared in complete awe and wonder, weeping at the miracles before me.  Whispering to the Father my very hearts desire.  


When just eight days later I would discover

It was already done.

 Another gift given and one I certainly did not deserve. Imagine my reaction after standing at the newborn nursery window weeping just eight days prior to this.  I was already expecting and had absolutely no idea.

Glory to His precious name......

I had to share the good news over the phone with Mr. P and G as he was away for a month at the time. His reaction was the same as it has been each and every time before this ...

Unspeakable Joy. Laughter. Tears. Gratitude and Praise. It was a beautiful sound ...

Here is how he responded when seeing "us" for the first time at the airport a month later.....

Tears sweet friends.

15 precious weeks and counting......

Please keep us in your prayers as we expect the arrival of our sixth gift in January 2011.


Steph @ Flip Flop Chic said...

Congratulations! This wonderful post touched my heart so much today. My husband and I are ttc, and with my PCOS it is a little more difficult. I've been feeling a little discouraged lately, and this was just what I needed to see. :)

Maria said...

This post is so beautiful P&G! You are a gorgeous, wonderful woman, chosen by God for amazing things.

As for the loneliness, you aren't alone. I'm sure you know that.

As for the issues with your own mother. You aren't alone. It's SOOO painful, isn't it? Ugh, nothing hurts my heart like talking about my mother yet knowing God has a plan (I just don't like the plan and haven't for 25 years).

Thank you for sharing. Thank you so much. xoxo

Love Being A Nonny said...

Oh my word. Congratulations. Secretly, I wish it were me. I should have had five. Instead, I had three. They are blessings. I am blessed. I still wish I had had more. I was young. Now it is too late. But the grands....oh the grands. Just wait. You think THIS is grand.......

I was so moved by the *loss* of a relationship with your mother. It HAS to be a lack of mental emotion. There doesn't seem to be much else that would keep a mother from choosing to be away from her children or grandchildren. I am sad for you. I am sad for her.

Gracie Beth said...

Congratulations! I am absolutely loving those hydrangea arrangements!

Courtney said...

What a beautiful post. You have been through so much this past year, yet you are handling it with perfect grace from God. Congratulations! I can't wait to follow along in this next season of your life.

AmyB said...

Oh Sibi-I had no idea what you had gone through this year. I am so happy for your latest blessing. Sending you an email.

Mrs. R said...

What a beautiful post. I will say this, when you put so much love out into the universe, it doesn't matter who is against you or what you come up against, you will receive all that love back and more. Your thoughts and energy shape everything around you. Keep your head up and know that you are surrounded by love despite what you are going through. Congrats again on the pregnancy and I know God picked the right one!

Amanda said...

I feel so inadequate as I read your post...I struggle so hard w/ 3...with a husband that is home most of the time (when not travelling) help...I still feel overwhelmed, always wanted more kids, I just dont think I could do it...physically or heart still grieves for a decision I made so long ago, choices that can never be undone. You are so inspiring and I love reading your posts and seeing all the beauty that surrounds you. Blessings as you grow that baby...hugs.

Deidra said...

Congratulation! I am so excited for you and your family. I just received my 3rd joy for God. He was born July 14th. I am enjoying every min. of have thress sweet babies.

Wendy Jeanine said...

How moving! What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this with us. Congratulations on your newest blessing!

Alison said...

Congratulations to all of you, and I hope things start to get easier :)
I've been through (and am still going through) similar trials, and it's extremely difficult and emotionally exhausting. So hard!


The 5 Bickies said...

I hang on every word...
There's a lot here...a baby, a move (again), heart break and joy.

It makes me so sad to think of your difficulties with your Mother. It's also wonderful to see that her choices don't have to be your choices and that you are able to break the cycle. That's very powerful!

I wish you all the very best and can't wait to follow along with all the future holds for you!

sarah said...

my most precious did it, you wrote with grace, love and mercy......your transparency is bold, yet precious...its frees people in spirit. love your heart...believing and standing with you my sweet sister....xoxo see you soon

The Pink Giraffe said...

You are NOT alone, for your spirit has touched so many, and the God who holds the universe is holding your heart and has it all in control. Praying everyday that daddy is home with you guys permanently. I cherish you so much, sweet friend. God provides the family support that our sometimes very broken earthly family cannot. Know you are lifted up today! Love you much.

Anonymous said...

You are a wonderful and blessed woman. You inspire so many of us. I pray that you continue to feel the presence of our Father.

Sandra said...

You are the perfect choice for parenthood. Such faith, unconditional love. And I am so sorry about the situation with your mother. We have emailed about this before. I have been floundering this past year in my retirement - not busy enough. Oh how I wish I'd known about your struggles. I could've come. I would've come. I don't even know where you're living right now??? How have I lost touch so? Please email me with details about where you are, etc. Please. Asap. xoxo

Tales From My Empty Nest said...

What a beautiful post. I was so thrilled to find out last week that you are expecting #6. That is awesome! Lucky baby!!! Sorry about things with your Mom. I just can't imagine. I have the greatest Mom ever. Keep us posted on your pregnancy. Do you want to know what you are having? Love & blessings from NC!

Nancy said...

Sweet Sibi:
My heart is aching for you and it's full of joy for you. I want to move next door to you and help out any way I can. You are such an example, your faith has been tested so, yet you still lean on Him and trust. How I long to have that kind of faith. Please know you are loved and prayed for daily.

Lots of hugs and kisses

Amy said...

I understand from the craft of your words, the wonder. That absolute wonder that we have in a God who allows us unspeakable pain, and unutterable joy. A priviledge to share the journey with you.

Lorri said...

I have been reading your blog for about a year now. I was lucky enough to stumble on it and feel so blessed that I did. You are a strong woman! Thank you for sharing your joy. You have been chosen to be an amazing mother to this new little butter bean. God knows that you are exactly what this baby needs. Congratulations to you and Mr. P and G.

Cori said...

What a beautiful shower!! I have a weakness for satin ribbons and hydrangeas : )
Congratulations on your new baby. A blessed little soul to be joining your family.
So sorry to read about the situation with your mom. So sad and hard and just not fathomable this side of Heaven. One of those times you just have to know all your tears and heartache do not go unnoticed by the Father. I wish we were real life friends, I'd be glad to play with those babies for you!! My cousin has four children ages 7 and under that are almost the exact ages of yours. I nannied for them the whole four years of college and miss them like crazy!! I go back and visit them every month though. I was the first person to hold her third child after her and her husband when she was born. Those are the kids in all the pics on my blog. I understand your love of newborns, I hope to work in the NICU one day!!

Unknown said...

Blessings and crogratulations to you! I felt like you were decribing many parts of my life as I read your post. You have helped me to remember I am not alone, and God is indeed for me!
Thank you for sharing.


Renae Moore said...

Your posts always bless me and bring tears to my eyes. I understand your pain with babies and DH was in the military and so many moves were handled by me and two small ones. I understand being in a new place with no friends. Your new little one will help you keep all in perspective....blessings to you. Will pray for your Mom...aging is hard. Your family is just beautiful.

Tiffany said...

Your post meant more to me than I can say~Bless your heart~you've been through so much! I understand where you are in many ways. I know that God is faithful & He will get you through this. Keep your head up & continue to focus on the bright side. CONGRATULATIONS on your news! :)

Hood Canal Gal said...

Thanks for sharing so openly your beautiful strory.
Keeping you in my prayers.....


3 Peanuts said...


I am so sorry that this has been a challenging year for you. You certainly seem to be all of those thing you say you are not..."together, the best parents in the word...etc"

Thank you for admitting that your life is not perfect. I know as readers of a blog we often ascribe traits and qualities to a person or family that we want them to be or think they are. But really we are all just normal people walking our paths. Like you I am trying to walk HIS path but I stumble all the time.

I am praying for you during this tough season. I cannot imagine doing it all without Dave at my side.

Blessings to you my sweet and humble friend. You do inspire and amaze me.

Lots of love,

Amy in CA said...

I've never commented here, but I am so touched by your blog Sibi.....and by this post especially. You have been through so much, and your faith is so inspiring. Continue to press on in this season as you are. He is faithful!

Erin said...

I am new to your blog but have sat here and read through old posts and more old posts. I am excited for you and the new precious baby!! I love how you share your faith,your post's are beautiful. Thank you!

the pink prep said...

oh my goodness -- your eloquence in words and photos is just so beautiful. i am typing through tears right now...
i'll keep you and your family and soon to be baby in my prayers.
thank you for sharing, the good, the bad, the wonderful, the hurt, the hearache, the joy.
you are a pearl yourself!

lizziefitz said...

Oh Sibi! I have no words. I am lifting you UP in prayers right now.I ,too, am sitting amongst babies and boxes for the 2nd time in a year alone. hummmm? Wish we lived closer so we could help each other.

KatieB. said...

Beatufiul post. I think you are a rock of a woman whose faith runs deeper than most can imagine. Praying for you and your family as you experience new blessings!

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

Congratulations!! Such wonderful news!!

Becky said...

Come see my precious newborn, pix posted on my blog...
I'm so happy for you and you must know that you are an inspiration to me! Keep up the good work and the encouragment you give. Hugs and kisses!

sherry said...

* last week my father chose to remove me from his life. your words share what is in my own heart. i'm so sorry you're experiencing this as well.

* sweet congratulations to you and your husband - a new life is beyond precious. :o)

* endometriosis prevented us having more children. we were sweetly blessed with one, a daughter we call Lizzie (online name). she's a lovely soul.

* praying for you and yours.

in Him,