Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Finding Strength

I have shared less and less here about our life as a family over the last year.

I love to write and want to write what He prompts me to share.

I enjoy writing about the children and whatever life lessons I have discovered as a mother and wife too.

But this last year has been-for the lack of better words....

Ayouhavegottobekiddingme- type of year.

I know that many of you may be sitting there with your hand up saying this- Oh yes, me too.

I hear you.

The last three years have been that way for us, but this last year has just tried to literally, take us out as a family. Before we could recover from one thing- three more things would happen.

We knew that a lot of this was warfare because of The Pearl Event. Because we had decided as a family to say "yes" to Him. Whatever that was. Whatever that looked like. There is a price to pay for that. It doesn't come without a cost. 

Still. It didn't make it any easier.

We all have seasons in life that threaten to overtake us.

God is still good. He still has a purpose and a plan. And He promises us that He will use everything in our life for our good and His glory.

I believe that. I believe Him. I do.

I have wanted to write about it ...

Writing is healing for me. Writing breathes life to my soul. But I chose not to share while I was walking through it all. Many, many times I just did not even know how to put words around it. 

I have also wanted to write about it from a place of having overcome it all. I long to share pieces of it out of a place that would bring hope and encouragement to someone else. Out of a place that would speak life and bring glory to God. Out of a place that would maybe help point someone to the Father during their time of suffering.

But I haven't overcome it all. We are still walking through so much right now.

So I have posted less and less here because of that.

In saying all of that I will share this- we have been grieving as a family, as a couple and as individuals.

Layers upon layers of grief and sorrow.

I have learned that grief isn't just something that comes with the tragic loss of a child or a spouse or a loved one.

Grief is the result of any loss.

And the last three years for our family have been marked by loss.

With the exception of our priceless gift in baby Preston.....thank you God for our precious son.

We have done our best to manage loss and grief and sorrow by the truckloads and hold babies and love babies and do our best to be the parents they need in the midst of it all.  Many days we have failed miserably and failed in a lot of areas.

Many days have been spent with hands covering our faces and fighting back tears and searching out God's word for answers and wisdom or just spent weeping over the the sorrow of it all.

Many days over the last year especially, have been spent just trying to figure out what to do next. How to manage. How to get through. How to help the children. How to love them the best through all of this. How to move forward. On and on and on.

It has unraveled us.

We have tried to cling to one another and to the Father the best that we know how.

We cannot compare pain or loss. It all hurts just the same.

And you do your best to believe God, trust and move forward without trying to minimize or dismiss anything- but just to try and process it and grieve and ask for His guidance.

I have struggled a lot over the last year because of the testimony I already have. I have felt to add anything else- just seemed like too much for one person or one family...

But His ways are not our ways....

At church on Sunday, our incredible Pastor asked those to stand who have been walking through and carrying overwhelming burdens.

We stood.

He began to pray and make declarations over all of the families standing- there were many.

He fought for each one of us like a Father would war for his own children-

He fought for each one of us through prayer.

We wept.

We were grateful.

We were thankful.

We stood for a long time during the service and prayed that this would mark the end of this difficult season for our family.

We would be grateful for your prayers too....

Please pray for breakthrough for our family. Please pray for courage and strength and provision. Please pray that we would be able to move forward into all that He is asking of us - even in the midst of so much that we do not understand. Please pray that we would have joy and peace while we are waiting for the breakthrough. We have moments of this- but I am praying for a constant stream and that we would be unmoved by circumstances.

We would also be grateful for your prayers for our sweet Bella Grace.

She has experienced a decrease in her vision over the last several years and just recently we were told that her vision has decreased by another 70 percent just in the last year.

She is in contacts now and we will be putting her in a hard contact lens to wear at night in hopes of stabilizing her vision.

God is good. We are trusting Him on a new level. We are grateful for each day with our children. We are grateful for it all and we thank you for your beautiful prayers sweet friends...

Thank you....


Heather said...

I will pray for you and your family!

Katie B. said...

Hi precious friend. I am so sorry to hear of your troubles and sorrows over the years. I too have been MIA lately as I worked through the grief of my divorce. I actually framed that verse and put it in my bedroom recently. It has offered much confidence every morning. I will be praying for you and your family, that God will shine His light upon you and cover you with His mighty love. In His holy name, xo, Katie

paige said...

i know it's not your favorite thing to share about times like this because you are SUCH an ENCOURAGER...but thank you for being vulnerable and transparent, thus allowing us to love on & pray for you!!
so often on my heart
love you dearly

Maria said...

Yes, yes, and more yes. I will pray. As a side note, your talent as a writer is beyond amazing. You are so talented. Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing your gift.

Shakin' the Foundation said...

Prayers for your breakthrough in all areas of yours and your familys life!!!
You are such a blessing to so many, even when you struggle! I believe you all will be overcomers in Jesus name!!


Raining Pearls said...

You are so often in my prayers and now I will make it daily! Im so glad you shared this, you are always so comforting when I need you and it breaks my heart to just see a glimsp of the sorrow you have endured over the last years. You are the truest example of grace I know. Sweet little Bella Grace will also be in my prayers.

Love Being A Nonny said...

Sometimes sharing helps others to relate. Praying that your joy comes in the morning. It will.

The name of Bella Grace will go right beside my Anabelle Grace as I pray for complete healing of her eye sight. Believe...even when it's hard. We do hard things.

Much love and many prayers...NONNY

katie said...

This post is perfectly timed for things going on in my own life. Your faith is a perfect reminder to me to let the Lord take the wheel.

Of course, Bella Grace will be in my prayers. I experienced very similar things when I was a kid. My parents and I can relate.

Best of luck and God Bless!!

Kim said...

Praying now. Praying often.

Sibi said...

Thank you all so much for your incredibly kind words and encouraging comments....

It means so much ...

I know you all are a bunch of prayer warriors...so thank you for taking the time to lift up our family tonight!

God is good and we are trusting Him.



DianeTaylor said...

Oh Sibi - this post broke my heart for your family. Please know that I am in your corner, even though we have never met. You has such kind words for me during what is undoubtably the darkest days of my life withour my only child. My dark days continue on and I am fighting thru them with everything I have. But I will PRAY to Gof our almighty father for the strength and courage you all need to face your challenges ahead.

Be still and know that I am God.....

Yours in Christ,


Beth said...

Standing in the gap. Thank you for being brave to share.

Michele said...

Sibi, I will continue to pray for you and your family. I am so glad you shared this post today. Eric and you are an amazing couple and amazing parents and I pray for these troubles to pass by quickly acccording to His plan. Love you my friend xoxo

LLH Designs said...

Praying Sibi. I totally know what you mean about wanting to overcome before you share so that you can encourage, but I have found in writing some hard things that I have been an encouragement. People like to see what faith looks like in the midst of real life...struggles, brokenness and all. You will be an encouragement no matter what you write or when you write. Keep letting the Lord lead. He knows exactly what can be used for encouragement and belssing. Hugs!

3 Peanuts said...

I pray for you all and I am working on some other stuff fro you too. You have no idea how many others you help by sharing your beautiful and tender heart. Love you.

lori carolina said...

Oh Sibi, I'm sorry for all that your family has had to endure the last few years/months..... I will be praying for you all, specifically for the things you have asked. ((HUG))
Thanks for sharing your heart even through the most difficult times ~ the rains WILL end and the sun WILL be back out. There might even be a rainbow!!:)
Please, please keep us posted on Miss Bella Grace.
Is there anything else I can do to help you/your family?!

Grace at Home said...

Sibi, thank you for sharing about your struggles. I'm honored to pray for you, Bella Grace, your family. You are such a beautiful help to so many...I'm not surprised Satan would want to attack you. Stand strong in God's promises and know how dear you are to so many people!