Monday, August 20, 2012
A Bigger Plan
I usually do what He asks. Sometimes with hesitation. Sometimes I wrestle. But most often I jump from
the puddle to the pond and take a leap of faith and I trust Him. I believe Him.
Over the summer the Lord asked me to take The Pearl Event - on a smaller scale
to three specific cities this fall. Greenwich, Houston and Charlotte.
He named it The Mini Pearl- which I absolutely loved- and gave me instructions about what He wanted to do.
I questioned and wrestled for quite some time but in the end I was obedient and full of expectancy.
I called the hotel- the location of the very first event, booked the ballroom and signed the contract.
Still shaking in my boots, but I did it.
Then the hardest part.
The trusting Him on a new level for something that has never happened before while looking at natural circumstances that suggest that there is absolutely no way that this is going to work.
Day after day. Night after night. Week after week I fought those concerns.
Circumstances caused fear to set in and it seemed that maybe I had misheard Him.
We needed things to work out in the natural in order to move forward. No luck.
So with tears and frustration and feelings of defeat I called and cancelled the first event scheduled for September.
It felt like the death of hope for me.
This was a huge risk that I couldn't take but I had believed that my obedience would bring the blessing
and God would just provide. Someway. Somehow.
I've believed Him before and somehow He has worked things out for the last two events- but I think this time I was feeling a little too battle worn and did not want to add additional stress on my family of trying to figure out finances.
I have to say I'm not sure I've ever felt like such a failure.
Out of those feelings that day I decided to just lay it down. Not just the event- but all of it.
Every dream and desire. Every hope of what is to come. Every bible study idea. Every ministry idea. Every business idea. Every page in every notebook that I had hoped would one day become books of encouragement to others. The future of The Pearl Event. The future of The Mini Pearls. The ministry to the broken hearted....all of it.
I tied it all up with spiritual heart strings and I wept over it.
I placed it at His feet and I gave it to Him.
I asked for forgiveness for messing this up, if I had. For not understanding. For disappointing others. For being of little faith, if that was the case. For anything and everything. All of it.
And I prayed.
I asked Him to pick up whatever piece- if any, and one day, maybe we could begin again....
For those of you who have asked about the possibility of Houston in October and Charlotte in November...right now I do not have a way. The first event was to fund or front the costs for the next event if that makes sense?
The Atlanta event in March of 2013 is still scheduled as a wonderful church is hosting and providing for that event. We are also still planning on hosting The Pearl Event III in April of 2013 with wonderful guest speakers and bloggers and a live praise and worship team.
I want to apologize to you beautiful friends, for any disappointment I may have caused in any way at all. My heart is to move forward but right now I have to wait for provision. For all of you who have prayed, commented, emailed and encouraged in words and prayers....thank you is an understatement.
I am so incredibly grateful to all of you.
If anything changes you all will be the first to know.
In the meantime I am trying to trust Him for a bigger plan. Thank you to each one of you who have offered encouragement and for helping me to see, that might just be the case....
Written by Sibi at 6:35 PM