Friday, April 18, 2008

A Spiritual Symphony

We've just returned from our trip to Texas and I am trying my best to get caught up on everything. With four children, it takes a little while to say the least. As I sit and reflect on the situation at hand right now, our trip down and just all that is going on - I have found myself having to trust Him deeper than ever before. I have found myself saying "I trust you Lord" and then in the next breath saying "What if this doesn't work out Lord? What are we going to do then?, What if our house doesn't sell? What if we can't find a place to live there? Where is my oldest going to go to college Lord? " The list just goes on and on. I am a Mother. I am a worrier by nature. I have been parenting for 18 years and I don't think the worry factor will ever go away completely for me personally. I also trust Him and have to make a conscious effort daily to let go of all that is troubling me and keeping me awake at night and just let Him work all things together for my good and for His glory.
We flew to Texas for the kids spring break in hopes of miracles happening I guess. In hopes of finding the perfect house, on the perfect street, next to the perfect neighbors- where all the happy people live! Or something pretty close to that! What I did get was three trips to the walk-in clinic, two black eyes on the same eye for my little guy, double ear infections with two of the kids, three very sick little ones and 160.00 worth of antibiotics at the local Kroger pharmacy. Somewhere in between my 5 year old tee-teeing on herself on the plane(due to a hold up in the bathroom) and my son blacking the same eye again a couple of days later- the emotional part of me just couldn't take it anymore. How Lord? Was all I could think, speak or imagine. To do what needs to be done. For everything to happen that needs to happen. It's official. We need a miracle. Actually, we need about ten.
I can pray. I can fast. I can praise Him. But if I do not trust- then it is all pointless. This is a spiritual symphony and there is only one conductor. I can't conduct. I don't know how. I don't have the tools, resources or the experience. I realize today as I sit and type this that He hasn't called me to conduct. He hasn't called me to orchestrate. He has called me to believe, to have faith and to trust Him in times of great adversity and in times of great blessing. My job is to lay it all down at His feet, to make a divine exchange. To put down, my own sheet music- what I want and how I think it should all be played out and pick up His. His are blank for the most part. I can read it in my minds' eye even now. Here is how it reads. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6

8 comments:

lizziefitz said...

Funny, I know it ,I feel it I just don't always Do it. I actually freeze in fear of not following His path. Yet, It always works out and everything happens for His reason. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

Lauren said...

I am praying for you all as you make your move.

Kim said...

I happened upon your blog...and I'm glad I did! You truly have a sweet, gentle spirit.

Blessings to you and your precious family.

Kim~

magnoliabelle said...

I so needed that reminder too! Thank you as always! I hope things settle back into normal for y'all soon!

Jodee Leader said...

You poor thing! I am so sorry to hear things were so stressful on your trip. Hang in there -- it will all work out!

Denise C said...

I will be praying for your family as you make the transitions that His hands guides you to! Rest at His feet when the travel is difficult, my sweet friend! You are such an amazing mommy and wife....and so full of God's beauty and Grace! May you feel His hand upon your lives in a very real way...as you follow where ever HE leads!
Standing in the gap for you my friend in Christ!
Love and sweet blessings,
Denise

Lori said...

Just wanted to stop by and let you know I was thinking of you~ you were on my heart this morning. I hope things are coming together and that you continue to trust that everything will be ok.
Sending big hugs your way!! :)

Southern Sugar said...

I've just recently found your blog and have enjoyed it so much. I said a little prayer for you and your family. Hope you have a blessed week.