Monday, January 14, 2013

Ten Life Lessons ~ January 2013

I've kept a list for a while of life lessons, many of which I have learned the hard way. I use this list of experiences and lessons learned to encourage others during speaking engagements, over the phone or through emails to friends, etc.

I have also woven them into my blog posts here over the last five years.

Experience is the best teacher, isn't she?

We can call this post 10 Life Lessons or 10 Things that will hold you back in life or 10 things I had to learn the hard way. :) I could share at least a hundred things I've had to learn the hard way but thought we could just start with ten for today!

I also thought it might be helpful for those of you who want some encouragement for the new year...

These are not listed in order of importance but are each equally important.

I pray that this blesses you today!

1 .Holding on to Regret

This is something that will hold you back from ever moving forward and keep you in a state of sorrow and wishing for what might have been.

Let it go. Let go of your mistakes. Let go of your guilt. Let go of talking about what might have been.

Everyone makes mistakes.

You can't change the past. But you can change today and tomorrow and so on.

Let it go.

Learn from it. Make things different in your life starting today. Rise above it.

2. Living Life Through The Eyes Of Comparison

I've written about this before. I would love to write parts two, three and four this year. Simply because I believe that this is one of the top five things that holds people back in life. Truly.

Comparison is a trap. It is a lie. If we take the bait of the enemy and fall into comparison we will never fulfill our purpose or live the abundant life God has promised us.

Nothing compares to you and who God created you to be. Rest in this promise this year.

3. Being Set In Our Ways

The older we get the more this lesson can hold true. We can become set and stuck in our old ways, our old mindset and our old habits. We do the same thing, every, single day. Routines are good. The same routine for five, ten, twenty years without any seasons of change are not so good. Change helps us to grow and blossom into who He has created us to be....

Try something new. Take a class. Learn how to play an instrument. Learn a new language. Join a bible study. Join a new church.  Start a small business. Host a dinner party. Sell your belongings and start over with a completely new style. Paint your rooms. Join the gym. Learn photography. Take a risk. Learn to cook. Interview for a new job. Take a leap of faith and try something new every month this year. You just may surprise yourself...

4. Waiting For Permission And Or Approval

This is a big one. I think so many of us can get and stay stuck in this area. We wait for permission or approval before we start the new project or business or book idea. We wait for friends and family to tell us that they approve of our going back to school or changing careers in the middle of life. We wait for everyone to rejoice with us before we act on our God ideas and creativity and big dreams.

Here's a little new flash. You do not need anyone's permission to live your life. Live it!
If you sit and wait for permission and approval from the crowd, well, you'll never begin. Because there will always be a crowd of people telling you all the reasons that you shouldn't do whatever it is.

Surround yourself with some people who inspire you. Step away from the naysayers in your life.

If I waited for everyone'e approval before growing my own family, I would still be the mother of one child. There are 13 years between my first and second babies. I would also still be waiting for everyone's permission to grow that family to a family with six children. I keep my face to the sun and my heart pressed in to Him. Everyone isn't called to raise a big family. Many hearts are called to adopt. Many others are called to do both. We can't compare. Read number 2 again:) Whatever it is, we just have to trust God that whatever He has called you to do, He will make a way. We just have to have a little faith and take the first steps and crush that desire inside our hearts that wants to compare. Nothing compares to you and the way He created you and the things He created you to do.

5. Waiting On Perfect

I know. It's a big one too.  Here's the thing I've shared many, many times with other friends and readers, etc. The enemy is an imitator. Remember this. Whatever good and perfect thing the Father has created, the enemy has an imitation for it. Always. We have to learn to distinguish between the two. God has given many of you a spirit of excellence. It is a spiritual gift and it is very needed in the body of Christ. It is a beautiful gifting. The enemy has offered us a cheap imitation of our gifting.
That is called perfectionism. It is a lie and a huge trap to keep us feeling less than.

 Perfect does not exist.

So many times, I see couples waiting for "perfect" before they try for a baby. Or people waiting for the perfect spouse to show up. Or waiting until things are perfect, (finish school, bills paid off, whatever it may be) until they get married, start a business, open a shop, write a book, etc.  I do believe that there is such a thing as God's timing. But waiting for everything to be perfect just isn't going to happen. As soon as you think that it is, the bottom is going to drop out and you will have another reason to delay your purpose, dreams and desires, etc.

I want to encourage you to start today. Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us.

6. Do Not Allow The People To Frustrate You (Or Why Moses Didn't Enter The Promised Land)

Let's all take a moment of silence, shall we?

We all know about frustrating circumstances, situations and sometimes even people.

Even Moses. (Read Numbers 20:7-12)

You can look it up and read it for yourselves. But I promise you it is true. That incredible and faithful Moses, who did so much for God and for His people, he never entered the promised land.




He allowed the people to frustrate him.

If you allow the people to frustrate you, you will never fulfill your purpose and destiny or your dreams.

Because as long as we live and breathe sweet friends. Some people are going to be frustrating.

Not all of the people, all of the time.

 But I can promise you that some of the people, some of the time are going to enter the building called your life.  I can promise you this. God will use those circumstances and situations to grow us and shape us and mold us into His image, IF we will allow Him the chance. We can get upset and quit and get mad and throw in the towel, the first time frustration enters into our lives or we can allow it to teach us and shape us. Iron sharpens iron. Allow it to sharpen you. And shape you. But do not allow it to frustrate you to the point that you want to give up and quit. Ask me how I know?

I would never have organized and orchestrated two Pearl Events and soon to be three, from literally nothing, if I allowed frustration to take me down completely.

Press past it and rise above it and enter in to your promised land. :)

7. Unforgiveness

This was something I struggled with in my own life and still have to make a concious effort and determined choice not to allow it to become a stronghold on a daily basis.

Forgiveness is a daily decision. It is a choice. We are choosing to forgive the offense and the offender. Whether they realize the offense or not. Whether they apologize or not. Whether there is healing and restoration or not.

It is a choice we have to make.

It is a gift we give ourselves.

It is probably one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself this year. To let go, forgive and release all of that hurt and anger and disappointment to the Father. Then, watch what He will give you in return.

A peace that surpasses all understanding. Joy Unspeakable. And the space and grace in your life that you need to fulfill your calling.

8. Fear

Fear and Regret and Comparison are like the trifecta of purpose destroyers.

When we allow that trifecta to take up space in our hearts and minds, it will paralyze us from moving forward or doing anything in life.

Fear paralyzes us. Regret keeps us in a constant state of sorrow or wishful thinking and comparison walks around with our pretty pink measuring tape held up against everyone else we know.

So what if you've failed at some things in life. You can't allow that to hold you back. At least you tried. At least you did something. At least you set some thoughts into action.

I've failed many times in life. Many. We all have. Let us all bow our heads in prayer. Amen.

But I can't give up. And neither can you.  I have six babies looking to me for some type of example of what it means to follow Christ, and mother a family and be good to people and honor a husband and take an idea from just an idea to an actual blog, ministry and Women's Christian Conference and ultimately a business.

I can't sit around curled up in the fetal position crying about what might have been and all the times I have failed and made mistakes and worried about what everyone else thinks....not for long anyway.

It hurts, it does. Some days last year it actually hurt for me to just breathe,  but I had to press on.

I had to make a blender full of morning glory smoothies and hug and kiss my husband and my babies and thank God for another day and begin again.

That's the gift you know. We get to begin again. Every, single day is like a brand new Jan. 1st.

9. Climbing, Positioning, and Pushing Our Way To The Top.

I will share this.

The word says that your gift will make room for you.

A man's gift will make room for him and bring him before great men.  Amen. Proverbs 18:16

If your gift will make room for you, then there is absolutely no need to climb, push, press or crush our way to the top as we try and reach whatever goal, mark or destination we may have.

Also, no comparing. Keep your eyes on Him and on your own life.

The longer the delay, the bigger the blessing.

10. Leaving God Out Of Everything and or Having An Orphan Mentality.

If we leave God out of our lives. If we leave Him out of our plans, dreams, marriages and families and attempts at trying to create and fulfill our purpose, we have placed a ceiling on what we can do. We have put limits on our abilities. We are truly limited.  He is the author of our lives. He is the One who placed those dreams inside our hearts and minds. He is the author and finisher of our faith. He is the One who knows all things. He is the One who takes the limits off of our lives. In God there are millions of ideas and plans and divine strategies. His ways are always better. He always has a better idea. His creativity is endless. His plans for our families and children and marriages are better than anything we could possibly try and create for ourselves. He wants a realtionship with every, single one of us. Truly. Then everything will flow out of and from that relationship with Him.

Additionally, even though many of us have that relationship, we can sometimes spend our days with an orphan mentality. We work, live and breathe as if we have no Father. We are not orphans beautiful friends. Even though there are many of you who are reading this now, who do not have an earthly father. Myself included. We belong to the One, True Father. He is our Father.

We also have to remember that there is more than enough in the kingdom. There is more than enough. So we can let go of this grip on life that there isn't enough. There is more than enough in the kingdom. Ask Him to release your portion. Whatever you need. Ask Him. Ask Him for healing or restoration or recompense. Ask Him for love and friendships and a spouse. Ask Him for creativity and favor and ideas. Whatever it is. He wants to pour out in our lives. It may not always be released in the timing we are hoping for. But Father knows best. He truly does. His timing is always perfect. He knows what is best for His children. We have to seek and ask and know and trust that His ways are not our ways. They are better than our ways.

2013 is going to be your best year yet beautiful friends....

"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9


Maria said...

Oh my, this is the best post ever.

Karren said...

Mrs. Sibi,

Your blog has been a huge encouragement to me over the past few years that I've been following! Thank you for always listening to God and sharing what He puts on your heart! There have been SO many times where I've cried while reading because I felt like you were speaking directly to me.. Those were usually the moments where I felt alone and thought no one understood what I had been through / was going through. Today was one of those days, and #s 3 & 4 were just what I needed to hear! So once again, thank you!!

Love Being A Nonny said...

#s five, seven and eight are my big struggles. I will read this post again and again. You are such a blessing in my life Sibi!

theselbyholmestead said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sibi said...


Thank you so much for taking the time to comment.

I am happy to answer you the best that I can but I encourage you to read and seek out the answer(s) for yourself too.

Moses wasn't denied entrance into heaven that I have ever read or know of. He was denied the opportunity to lead the people into the Promised Land. That would be Canaan. The land flowing with milk and honey.

To answer your question about what hope is there for the rest of us..

We have hope!

Jesus is our hope!

When Jesus came and died and rose again....HE changed everything.

So He is our hope beautiful friend.

I pray that you would come to know Him if you do not already. I hope this help answers some of your questions.

Many Blessings,


Amanda Pilkinton said...

I love all of these...4 and 5 are my favorites!!!

theselbyholmestead said...

thanks so much for the response, sibi! that certainly puts everything back in perspective ;) and is much more in tune with the beautiful optimism the rest of your ten life lessons exude! thank you for taking the time to clarify, inspire and teach...

melissa said...

Sibi .. once again, you are such an encouragement to me (and so many others, I am sure). Thank you for your continued Godly wisdom. Many blessings to you and your beautiful family!!

Bella Michelle said...

This morning we visited a different church than our home church and the Pastor said that we should use our experiences (wins or losses) to help others. That is what I read when I read your Ten Life Lessons as well....God brought us through these things so that He can use us in the lives of others. Love this post!

Olivia: (mostly) Happy Homemaker said...

I love this list! Today, at this moment, I am especially thankful for #4 :) Blessings to you!!