Right now. Right this very minute. I am waiting. Waiting for breakthrough in many areas.
Waiting for a phone call from my oldest daughter about something very important that's happening this morning. Waiting for a phone call from my childs Dr. with the lab results. Waiting to make sure my son is okay after an overnight stay in the hospital, tons of lab work and still they don't know what is wrong. Waiting to hear some response about a decision that we made. Waiting for something we've been waiting on a very long time scheduled to happen tomorrow.
And this morning as I was talking with Him. I shared my heart about all that we have going on personally. All that we are waiting on. All the things that need to work out. All that has my heart tied up in knots. All that has been consuming me so much lately that I can think about little else.
And He whispered....
"Are you waiting? Or are you trusting?"
I'm trusting of course.
And then I said something like this....
"I trust you Lord , you know that I do but I have to wait.... And I am tired of waiting. I need things to come together. I need things to work out. I need to feel settled for once. And for things to finally be okay for once."
He gently reminded me of three little letters that make the difference between simply waiting and actually
Here they are.
I trust you BUT......
That's where I found myself this morning.
Those three little letters keep me up at night and make my stomach turn and cause my heart to race.
It's easy to trust the Lord when everything is going well. When every prayer request is answered with a yes and everything in life seems to fall right into place.
I've camped out there many nights because life has sent me through the ringer and because the Lord has allowed so much over the last few years, I have slowly allowed my heart to be filled with despair.
Maybe out of weariness or out of exhaustion from parenting solo for so long.
I didn't even realize it.
Until this morning.
I have allowed my trust in Him to wander and waiver.
I've been on a spiritual see ~saw with the Lord.
I trust you Lord. Are you going to disappoint me again?
I trust you Lord. Are you going to allow this again?
I trust you Lord. How much are you going to allow Father?
Up and down . Day after day. Month after month.
It has taken it's toll.
I'm just being real. I'm sure most of you would never question the Lord.
But I do at times.
It's easy to trust the Lord when things are good. Really good.
I've experienced that side of Faith. That side of trusting Him.
It doesn't take much.
It's an entirely different level of faith to continue to trust Him without the breakthrough.
To trust Him as Jehovah Jirah. My provider.
I have believed God for incredible things over the years. Believed for babies for Mamas who couldn't seem to get pregnant. Believed for marriages to get healed who were headed for divorce. Believed for healing, supernatural finances and families to be restored.
And I have been blessed to be a witness to many of these testimonies as God proved to be faithful.
I love to believe God for other peoples breakthroughs.
I have discovered though that I do not always believe Him on the same level for myself.
And so this morning I am getting off the see~saw of despair and disappointment.
I am choosing to stand in the midst of the storm with both feet planted firmly in what I know to be true.
That He is.
And that no matter what ......He still is.
No matter what.
There is a recompense coming.
There is a breakthrough coming.
There is an answer and a blessing and a new thing coming.
He is working it out and He is orchestrating every single thing to work for our good and His glory.
Behold, the days are coming.
"Behold, the days are coming, says the Lord, when the plowman shall overtake the reaper, and the treader of grapes him who sows seed; The mountains shall drip with sweet wine, and all the hills shall flow with it. I will bring back the captives of My people Israel; They shall build the waste cities and inhabit them. They shall plant vineyards and drink wine from them; They shall also make gardens and eat fruit from them. I will plant them in their land, and no longer shall they be pulled up from the land I have given them, says the Lord your God. " ~ Amos 9: 13-15.