Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Trust





Right now. Right this very minute. I am waiting. Waiting for breakthrough in many areas.

Waiting for a phone call from my oldest daughter about something very important that's happening this morning. Waiting for a phone call from my childs Dr. with the lab results. Waiting to make sure my son is okay after an overnight stay in the hospital, tons of lab work and still they don't know what is wrong. Waiting to hear some response about a decision that we made. Waiting for something we've been waiting on a very long time scheduled to happen tomorrow.

And this morning as I was talking with Him. I shared my heart about all that we have going on personally. All that we are waiting on. All the things that need to work out. All that has my heart tied up in knots. All that has been consuming me so much lately that I can think about little else.

And He whispered....


"Are you waiting? Or are you trusting?"


Crickets.


I'm trusting of course.

And then I said something like this....
"I trust you Lord , you know that I do but I have to wait.... And I am tired of waiting. I need things to come together. I need things to work out. I need to feel settled for once. And for things to finally be okay for once."

He gently reminded me of three little letters that make the difference between simply waiting and actually
trusting.

Here they are.

B-u-t.

I trust you BUT......

That's where I found myself this morning.

Those three little letters keep me up at night and make my stomach turn and cause my heart to race.

It's easy to trust the Lord when everything is going well. When every prayer request is answered with a yes and everything in life seems to fall right into place.

In all of the major life changes that we have been walking through, I realized that I have hung my faith on uncertainty and despair.

I've camped out there many nights because life has sent me through the ringer and because the Lord has allowed so much over the last few years,  I have slowly allowed my heart to be filled with despair.

Not intentionally.

Maybe out of weariness or out of exhaustion from parenting solo for so long.

I didn't even realize it.

Until this morning.

I have allowed my trust in Him to wander and waiver.

I've been on a spiritual see ~saw with the Lord.

I trust you Lord. Are you going to disappoint me again?

I trust you Lord. Are you going to allow this again?

I trust you Lord. How much are you going to allow Father?

Up and down . Day after day. Month after month.

It has taken it's toll.

I'm just being real. I'm sure most of you would never question the Lord.

But I do at times.

It's easy to trust the Lord when things are good. Really good.

I've experienced that side of Faith. That side of trusting Him.

It doesn't take much.

It's an entirely different level of faith to continue to trust Him without the breakthrough.

To trust Him as Jehovah Jirah. My provider.

I have believed God for incredible things over the years. Believed for babies for Mamas who couldn't seem to get pregnant. Believed for marriages to get healed who were headed for divorce. Believed for healing, supernatural finances and families to be restored.

And I have been blessed to be a witness to many of these testimonies as God proved to be faithful.

I love to believe God for other peoples breakthroughs.

I have discovered though that I do not always believe Him on the same level for myself.

And so this morning I am getting off the see~saw of despair and disappointment.

I am choosing to stand in the midst of the storm with both feet planted firmly in what I know to be true.

That He is.

And that no matter what ......He still is.

No matter what.

There is a recompense coming.

There is a breakthrough coming.

There is an answer and a blessing and a new thing coming.

He is working it out and He is orchestrating every single thing to work for our good and His glory.

Behold, the days are coming.


"Behold, the days are coming, says the Lord, when the plowman shall overtake the reaper, and the treader of grapes him who sows seed; The mountains shall drip with sweet wine, and all the hills shall flow with it. I will bring back the captives of My people Israel; They shall build the waste cities and inhabit them. They shall plant vineyards and drink wine from them; They shall also make gardens and eat fruit from them. I will plant them in their land, and no longer shall they be pulled up from the land I have given them, says the Lord your God. " ~ Amos 9: 13-15.



20 comments:

Gracie Beth said...

Sending prayers for some answers and relief Sibi!

Cherish @ Southern Soul Mates said...

I feel like I could have written this post almost verbatim. I'm so sorry about everything you are going through. I needed this post, especially today, so the Lord has once again used you to speak through. Thank you for that. Praying that God will see you through these times and that He will give you the desires of your heart-soon :) xoxo

Cherish @ Southern Soul Mates said...

I also want to share this with you: http://www.thechristianwoman.com/blog/2011/06/but-wait-2.html It goes perfectly with what you wrote.

Bella Michelle said...

What a place you find yourself...and you know you are not alone (of course, God is there...but so are the rest of us in some form or another). You words seem so familiar to my heart. Thank you for your gentle spirit speaking to my heart!

Preppy 101 said...

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us . . . Ephesians 3:20. Hugs for you sweetie! You are so right; when it is good, it is easy . . . but you are an inspiration to all who read your blog. Do keep us posted and know that we are your earthly friends here to support and lend a shoulder to cry on or lean on as needed! Love. XOXO

Beaufort Belle said...

Sibi, other than when you posted your background, have I ever felt this "close" to you and your life story than I do today. I too definitely could have written this post today. You were speaking to me today, and God was definitely using you as a vessel to help this sinking ship. I get your updates through email and google reader (until I del all of those that I follow on google reader and also through email... Don't worry when it shows 1 less follower on your blog, I am definitely following you through email). I usually check email quickly in the morning, getting rid of all the junk that I am subscribed to, but don' need to read that particular day, read the email I need to right then and star all of the blogs I get in email. When I get the chance throughout the day, I go back and start reading the blog posts. Many times that is not until that night. Today started out the same. However, while checking twitter, I saw your tweet, made a comment, but something or rather someOne told me to come on over and read the blog post NOW. Girlfriend, I needed it! Hopefully, you allow anonymous posts, bit if not I will let my name be known. I have commented on your tweet and on here. I still feel the need to email you personally. So watch for it. Hopefully with everything on your plate you will find time to respond with some words of guidance that even though you have posted them on here in the past, you can share them again with me when I need them the most. Gee Whiz...I have never in my life posted such a response or such a LONG response.

To finalize this post I want to tell you that I am praying for you and thinking of you as you face these trials and tribulations. Amazingly, as I have such a hard time right now trusting with my own issues, I do trust Him with others. All I can offer besides prayer for you (and your family) is the words I keep trying to tell myself over and over: "Everything is done in God's time and everything is done according to His plan."

Maria said...

Dearest Sibi,

1. xoxo
2. I've questioned God too. I'm just so thankful that He still loves me.
3. beautiful post
4. I'm still praying for you

Love, Maria

Mrs.B said...

Oh this is awesome Sibi...and so timely.

lizziefitz said...

Yes. Yes we all have and still will question the Father . Yes we all have trusted Him in good times much easier than bad. Yes He has plans, good plans for us all. Yes ,I will continue to pray for you and yours. Hugs Dear Friend.

3 Peanuts said...

Sibi.....It is just what He needs us to do. And I have o doubt that you will trust Him wholeheartedly. Praying for you.

K

Emily said...

Didn't realize how much I needed to hear these words. Though not waiting for the same things, I've found I'm 'waiting' and not trusting in the Lord. I loved your words, 'I have slowly allowed my heart to be filled with despair' because that's what I've been doing with my current situation.

I pray the Lord carries you through this time of trials.

Tiffini said...

I have lived on the see saw for loonnggg periods of time. I have experienced and am in many ways...your emotions. I pray today Sibi that your heart is filled full with His spirit and that you know..know..know the love of Christ and that this fullness you will have complete peace...I pray that your trust does not waver and He is working while you are still....praying you hear Gods assuring voice singing love across the storm...for you are so loved
xo

Desires of the Heart said...

You are in a hard place to be, God's waiting room and it gets really lonely, but you are not alone. I will remember you in my prayers that the answers you so greately desire will soon appear and your heart can experience a time of rest and healing. Linda

Cha Cha said...

I am struggling to breath after reading this.....the pain is so real, I know all those buts. I love you. I keep waiting for the perfect time to call, when life is a way that it is easy talk, I am done waiting now I wish to schedule it Friday or Monday your pick just let me know (I work all day tomorrow), message me on facebook and we are going to talk, heck at this point I will drive to you.

Love you Big,
Cha Cha

Mary said...

Oh,Sibi! I could have written this post too! My husband travels also, and this is one of our trials as well. I am praying for you. I do hope you experience a breakthrough soon. I have recently found your blog and have begun following it. Your writing reveals that you are a lovely lady with a heart for God. Don't be discouraged! Know that you have sisters who understand (at least some of what weighs heavy on your heart) and we are praying for you! I would hug you if I could!

Lisa said...

Oh my...I am living in a land of "BUT" these days. Thank you for sharing your struggles. I needed to read this today.

paige said...

i sure wish we could have endless opportunities to catch up, like maybe on the back porch with a mason jar full of lemonade?
i always feel so out of touch when i read an update....praying all is well.
love to you!!

Stacey said...

Wow, you put to words beautifully so many things I've been feeling and bogged down with lately. Thank you for sharing your heart and reminding us of what real trust should look like. It's a process for sure, but it's such an encouragement to know we're not alone in our struggles.

Ann said...

Your post and all the comments here show that women in particular (I think) deal with the ability to trust for other's needs but find it difficult to really, wholeheartedly trust for our own. I have often thought that I know God CAN do what I'm asking but I don't know if He WILL do it for ME. Over the past year I have been diligently trying to stop that merry-go-round in my head and remember all the times He HAS done what needed to be done for ME and MINE. God works in a timeframe that is very different from mine and I am learning that while I may not "see" anything happening with my situation right this minute, God IS busily at work on my behalf. You will find the answers you need in just the right time. Blessings,

teresa-bug said...

Thank you so much for your sweet comments...they meant more to me than you will ever know.
Teresa