Unspoken

I love to listen.

I am not always the best at it, but I really love it when the opportunity presents itself.

I understand that it really is an art form.

I have found over the years that to really listen is to also hear what is not being said as well.

To hear the unspoken words.....

To discover them. To uncover them. To bring them to the surface. To open that up for discussion.

That is a gift.

And if you can find yourself a confidante who can hear the unspoken words... hang on to her.

If she can tell even over the phone, by the inflections in your voice that something is wrong.

Really wrong.

Even though you are telling her everything is fine.

Hang on to her.

Women pass the word "fine" around like an after dinner mint.


We are fine.  I'm fine. The kids are fine. Everything is fine. I feel fine.

Many times, over the years,  I have responded on the other end of the line...."No you are not."

"Talk to me."

Then the tears come....

And from years of trying to work on my listening skills, I can say that there is a lot  
that is stuffed underneath the four letter word I will call fine.

For starters it can mean this....

You don't really care. So I'm not going to tell you what is really going on.

You don't have the time.

If I tell you what is really going on, you will judge me. criticize me, gossip about me or drop me like a hot potato.


So instead of being real. Having a real friendship. Walking in true friendship. 

I'm just going to offer up a small piece of myself, just the surface, if you're lucky.


And the two of us can just wade around in the baby pool together because I am not about to go into the
deep end, called my reality, with anybody.

I might drown in discovering that my real friends aren't really my real friends after all.

And I can't handle that truth. So I'm just going to hang out right here in the shallow end.

I don't think that is what God meant when He said it is not good for man to be alone....

Because when we only go surface deep with others- when we do not allow the depth of our hearts to be known- even though we may have a lot of friends, we are really still alone.

And lonely is not a place that God has called any of us to reside.

There are married people who are lonely. The most "popular" girls in our towns are lonely. Pastors and ministers and wives of clergy, who pour their hearts out for the gospel on a daily basis, feel completely alone.

Why?

Because the deep end is scary.

And sharing the authentic pieces of our life with someone takes courage.

For some of us, the thoughts of possible abandonment from "friends" and church members and parents at school is just too much to think about. It's easier to play it safe and just continue wading around in the shallow end of life.

But the truth will set us free......

I would rather have one real friend, who really knows me, than a thousand "friends" who only go surface deep with me.

I would rather have one church service, with one real pastor, sharing his real testimony, than to listen to something else any day.

I would rather have one friend tell me what is really going on in her life- the good, the bad and the beautiful - than five friends who only want to talk about surface things.

It is a dance of truth and honor and trust to begin to allow someone to hear the unspoken things in our hearts. And to offer that same gift to someone else as well.

It is, for some of us, starting over again with fear and trembling in friendship, in leadership, in marriage and in ministry.

It isn't easy.

It is scary jumping into the deep end.

But we can't really swim in the shallow end. 

We can't jump off the high dive or do a back flip in the shallow end.

But God hasn't called us to live this full life, this abundant life, simply standing in shallow water, or keeping everything surface level.

He's called us out into the deep.

There is so much more to you than you have allowed anyone to know. We are not meant to do life alone. We are not meant to walk around responding to everything with the word "fine." We are not meant to walk through pain and suffering and hardship completely solo. We need others to hold up our arms during our trials. We need others to speak faith and hope and love into our situations. Our real situations. We need encouragement and support and a trustworthy friend like we need air to breathe.

Allow the unspoken words to come forth sweet friends.  

Allow the deep chapters written in you to begin to come forth.

And then listen for the unspoken words in someone else....

This is how we can demonstrate the gospel.

This is how we can demonstrate who He really is and why He really came. 

And every single time we hold back, every single time we live life like we are less than, every single time we tell friends that everything is fine, when it really isn't. Every single time we refuse to share the deep places or refuse to really listen to the unspoken words in the heart of another - we hold back the gospel. 

And we need the gospel.

In action and in deed. In the shallow end and in the deep. In the spoken and in the unspoken.
In the painful places and in the beautiful ones. In the days of living and in the days of dying. 
In the days of the just things and the unjust. In the days of pouring rain and wretchedness. And in the days of birthing and living and writing and singing.

My hope is that this would be a year of listening and hearing and sharing the unspoken words in one another sweet friends. I pray that the word "fine" would leave our vocabulary and that as we have the courage to offer up the deep places, the scary places and the real places in our hearts, that God would meet us there with the gift of a genuine friend......

He's Fighting For You Today

I think it is human nature to want to defend ourselves. To want to protect.

To desire to right every wrong.

To call the friend to the carpet who actually hasn't been a friend at all.

To try to make things, situations and circumstances just.

But the Lord has a better way. He says in His word that He will fight our battles for us.

I can't count the times I have gone ahead of Him and tried to make it right on my own.

It is so much better if we just let Him fight our battles for us.

I wanted to share a little video with you all today in hopes that it will speak to your heart about this very thing. Just imagine the Lord fighting for you today- Julia Sugarbaker Style.

"The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace." Exodus 14:14

Things That Make A Grown Woman Twirl

Good Morning! I wanted to pop in and share the logo design and blog button with you all!

Beth Hart Designs caught the vision and I love her for it! She is really wonderful to work with!

I feel like I need to wear a pair of pretty, white gloves while I am typing here at the keyboard:)

It's a little bit Garden and Gun and a little bit Town and Country.  I hope you like it too!

Thank you to all of you who have already purchased your tickets! We are 50 percent sold for the event!

As of today, 100 of you are going to be joining us!!  I'm twirling.....

I am also thanking Him for entrusting me with something so beautiful and so special.

This is truly His event and His vision and His purpose. Grateful me.

To have these amazing speakers partner with me in ministry and then to have all of you to come alongside this event and support it has blessed me in ways I am not sure I can express.

Things that make a grown woman twirl....

Thank you sweet friends.

Thank you for your love and support and prayers. For your emails and comments. For your posts and links and words that have been like honey to my soul.  I treasure you...

Here is a pretty, little blog button. You can just hyperlink it here if you want. 

Here is the link for the Facebook page if you want to join in and connect with others who will be attending as well!

https://www.facebook.com/#!/events/154366354668098/

Here is the link to the ticket page and to register for the event if you want to join us!

http://thepearlevent-ehometext.eventbrite.com/

 

Here is a little glimpse of the Magnolia Ballroom where a whole bunch of real life Steel Magnolia's will be gathering together in just 49 more days!


Twirling and praying in my pearls......

County and State

source

 If I heard it once, I heard it a thousand times throughout my life.

You know those little phrases that Mama's will often use to get their point across?

Well my Mama had a thousand of them.  She had a saying for everything.

 "Fair?"

"Nothing's fair honey."

"Fairs come twice a year."

"County and State."

It was one of those things that just sticks with you in life.

I've spent most of my life trying to prove her wrong.

Trying to make my county and my state happen over here, at the very least, on a daily basis.

And there were days that those words rang true. And I would think to myself, maybe she was right.

Fairs only do come twice a year.

I often wondered at times what she really meant by that.

My Mama said what she thought. And then some.

Kind of like a bold New Yorker trapped in a southern woman's body.

You knew where you stood but you'd better brace yourself.  She called a spade, a spade.

I'd rather hear that than the alternative any day. I'd rather hear the truth- plain and simple.

My grandmother was the exact same way.

And I just so happened to inherit that same lovely trait....

Although, after a lot of mistakes and some growing years and after throwing myself at the feet of Jesus a thousand times I've received the help I needed. I'm still a work in progress but now, I try to tell it like it is only when I'm asked to.

I know she had her share of things in life that were tragic. Really unfair things.

I wonder at times if that was what she was referring to...

As if to say, look honey, it hasn't worked out for our family yet.

It didn't work out for my Mama.


It didn't work out for me.


And it's not going to work out for you either.


So don't even think about getting your hopes up.

Maybe hoping to spare me any future disappointment...

Or maybe it was to soften the devastation, as if minimizing whatever crisis had hit, would help it all to  somehow make sense.

As if to say...look, "fair" isn't something that happens in this house.


Or in this family.


Or in this lifetime.


Fairs are for the county and the state and that's the only kind of fair you are ever going to get.

I don't fault her or blame her.

I'm sure that she was trying to make sense of a lot of things in her own life.

I wasn't exactly the daughter Mothers dream of.

But sometimes parents can stunt a child's growth if they high jack their hope.

If we don't encourage and teach and offer anything any different than the way things have always been-  then sometimes children can grow up and completely miss their calling, simply because it doesn't fit into whatever box or role or plan the family has always walked in.

History can sometimes repeat itself.  But it doesn't have to.

We don't have to live the same life that generations before us have lived. We don't have to become bitter and cynical and mad at the world, always waiting for the next shoe to drop.

We do not have to live in a constant state of fear or excessive mourning.

Or spend our whole life "wishing for what never was."

We do not have to walk around believing that "fairs" only come twice a year. 
(Or it's never going to happen for me, it's never going to be my turn.)

The enemy would love for every one of us to believe that lie.

After many years of living like that I decided a long time ago that I was going to go ahead and experience "fair" on a daily basis.

I'm going to ride the Ferris Wheel in life.

Whether people are really for me or not.

Whether people say what they really mean or not.

Whether the odds are stacked against me or not. I'm going to try. I have to.

I'm going to stand in line at the concession stand in life and see what the Lord has behind the counter for me. Instead of choosing to accept whatever others feel I should and should not receive in life because it doesn't seem to fit into their realm of possibility for me.

There may not always be things that I would like on the menu.

There may not always be cotton candy filled days.

But I know that He has a plan and a purpose.

Even in the midst of so many things I don't understand.

Even in the midst of some really unfair things and some tremendous heartache in life.

I know He has a ticket for me.

An entrance into a divinely appointed fairground filled with life lessons, character development opportunities and chances to cling to Him. Along with many enjoyable surprises as well.


I don't have to look longingly at everyone else's tickets. 

I can wait my turn and know that I know that I know that my turn- my county and my state...

They are coming.

And it is going to be more than just twice a year.

And it will be for you as well....